To be honest, I am an observer and prefer it over participating most times. It generally comes from being a private person and not wanting to share to much of myself with anyone. Even so, there's nothing wrong with staying closed as I've dealt with alot of pain in the past. All because I was open, sharing and caring.
These days it takes quite some time before I will open my heart and bleed my soul to another human. Sad, but it's this way with my husband too. Don't get me wrong. I love Frank and we have a great relationship. We laugh, we cry, we love, we share.
But it could be better.
As I reflect over the next 5 days, I hope to gain insight into some of the causal issues in hopes of returning to the self of old. I liked her. However, I am completely aware that I may never be able to retrieve what was once a more amicable persona. And I'm okay with that. It's more about understanding and perhaps moving forward by truly closing past hurts.
Having one, and only one, close friend at present gives me opportunity to keep my life private. Even this one true friend doesn't get all of me, but she's the only one with whom I will open up at all. It's a shame at the same time because she is not good for my physical health. Her habits/addictions draw me to imbibe along side her at times.
Alas, no matter that I am well into the autumn of my life, I know that change is still on the horizon. While we change our permanent residence to Florida, it's a fresh start that's needed within so I will be changing as well.
My journey over this next week is in preparation of a new life, a new home, a new beginning. During this process I will be opening up more in my writing and thus, hope to affect my reflection in a positive way.
This song is perfect for me at this point. Besides, anything by Christina A. is fabulous! Enjoy;)
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