Who I am now is not who I was nor who I will be.

To be honest, I am an observer and prefer it over participating most times. It generally comes from being a private person and not wanting to share to much of myself with anyone. Even so, there's nothing wrong with staying closed as I've dealt with alot of pain in the past. All because I was open, sharing and caring.

These days it takes quite some time before I will open my heart and bleed my soul to another human. Sad, but it's this way with my husband too. Don't get me wrong. I love Frank and we have a great relationship. We laugh, we cry, we love, we share.

But it could be better.

As I reflect over the next 5 days, I hope to gain insight into some of the causal issues in hopes of returning to the self of old. I liked her. However, I am completely aware that I may never be able to retrieve what was once a more amicable persona. And I'm okay with that. It's more about understanding and perhaps moving forward by truly closing past hurts.

Having one, and only one, close friend at present gives me opportunity to keep my life private. Even this one true friend doesn't get all of me, but she's the only one with whom I will open up at all. It's a shame at the same time because she is not good for my physical health. Her habits/addictions draw me to imbibe along side her at times.

Alas, no matter that I am well into the autumn of my life, I know that change is still on the horizon. While we change our permanent residence to Florida, it's a fresh start that's needed within so I will be changing as well. 

My journey over this next week is in preparation of a new life, a new home, a new beginning. During this process I will be opening up more in my writing and thus, hope to affect my reflection in a positive way.

This song is perfect for me at this point. Besides, anything by Christina A. is fabulous! Enjoy;)

More On The Nups!

What a grand day it was, October 12, 2013! The day of my wedding. Even though this was not my first, it was by far the best wedding ceremony and party, ever! I think the key to this awesomeness was the levity that Frank and I incorporated into an otherwise serious moment in life.

As the old saying goes about laughter being THE best medicine, it was certainly true for us as we enter this middle stage of our lives...I say middle because I plan on living to at least 100, therefore 51 is just over half-way there. I know Frank doesn't think he'll make it another 20, but, hell, neither may I...but we can dream of a long future, right?

So we are in the autumn of our lives and chose an autumn wedding! Even so, we didn't keep much with tradition for our wedding, but instead, chose to modify some of those traditions and even make fun of them. Such as, the wedding party wore all black...after all, at this point we are far from virginal white!

Also, I know some version has been done a gazillion times, but I think we fooled our guests (and the preacher and best man too) with the screwed up processional/half-strip tease act. I will share some of those video clips as soon as I can retrieve them. I had them and now they are inaccessible so gotta figure that one out.

Frank had a cute prank waiting for me after I got to the 'alter' (no, not really an alter...we were outside, in the yard, on the grass)! I looked up at the preacher and he grinned. At first I noticed he seemed to have a couple teeth missing which did not surprise me since he's pretty old.

Then I looked closer as he kept grinning and noticed he was wearing fake/gag teeth! I busted a gut laughing! I turned to Frank and he smiled, then opened to a grin and he had a set too...more outrageous laughing, as the best man peered around Frank's shoulder and grinned his hillbilly smile at me too. I thought I was gonna pee my pants...well, since I wore no panties I suppose it would have been more of 'peeing down my leg'.

That's another twist we came up with. On the invitations, which were emailed, it specifically stated that there would be no dress code EXCEPT the guests must wear socks or underwear, but not both.
 

Dress:  Anything you want, however, you must wear socks OR underwear, not both…verification will be required at the door!

Lorna, Frank's sister, made simple signs for replacing the typical/traditional 'side-of-the-groom/bride' with the 'undie' side or the 'socks' side.

 I was not wearing underwear, so Frank, figuring this out in his own handsy way, handed me socks at the alter!

The ceremony itself got down to the seriousness of the affair, which I'll go into with the next wedding post, but the party after was quite fun. I am so glad most our friends and family could be there...it was the best wedding I've ever had! And I've had a few...

Check out the first in this mini-series on my wedding:  It Begins Again

Wishing you all lots of laughter!

It Begins Again

When you think all hope is gone for the chance of spending the rest of your life with someone, it happens...the hope is renewed and love begins again.

Though I went in search of a mate almost immediately after my ex-husband asked for a divorce, I didn't think it possible that I would find the perfect one so soon. Don't be mistaken, I didn't think we would ever get married until, two and a half years later, he proposed. Well, in his way. I believe the exact words were, "So, I think we should talk about getting married." I said okay and the next day he says we should think about getting me a ring. I said, "Were you actually going to propose?" And he said, "I thought I did!"

So there it is and 2 1/2 months later we married, 10/12/13!

We wrote our own vows and they were perfect. Even though we did not know what each other wrote until that day, we each had written about being in search of the other for so long. I would love to share some of the words with you here, but I must get my husband's, Frank's, permission. They are personal so it would only be fair, right?

Let's just say his began with, "Hey, where have you been? I've needed you for such a very long time." And mine began with, "Oh, my love. I have waited...waited for this moment the whole of my life."

I thought that was so romantic that we had both come to this point of being together after looking for such a long time!

Even the preacher began his sermon with, "To this point they have each walked a path fraught with trials and testings that has brought them to this confluence of love and understanding."

All of our words, mine, Frank's and the preachers flowed so well together even though none had knowledge of what the other wrote. Wait. No. That's not right...the preacher had our vows in advance and wrote accordingly. Ah well! It's still a good story and all did go together perfectly.

The ceremony was awesome! Frank and I planned a couple antics that really threw our guests (and the best man) for a loop. Stay tuned for that post soon including video clips!

Next in this little mini-series:  More On The Nups